"Wine experts are of two kinds, gastronomic and intellectual, distinguishable according to whether, on the sight of a bottle they reach for their glass or their glasses."
~~ Thomas McKeown

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I was so drunk last night, I fell down and missed the floor."
~~ Dean Martin

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"When my mom got really mad, she would say, 'Your butt is my meat.' Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, ''Now, what wine goes with that?'"
~~ Jonathan Solomon

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that, and she said, 'Because I'm your father.'"
~~ Dave George

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~~ Henny Youngman

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I shall drink no wine before it is time! OK, it is time."
~~ Groucho Marx

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?"
~~ Isak Dinesen

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"This wine is particularly heavy, and is mostly recommended for hand-to-hand combat."
~~ C. Hacking

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I only drink wine when I am alone or with someone."
~~ Unknown

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"There's too much blood in my alcohol system."
~~ Anonymous

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age."
~~ Steven Wright

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain."
~~ Baron Rothschild

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner