"Called up the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms regional office and asked, What wine goes best with an M-16?" The guy who answered did his best to be helpful: "That depends. What are you smoking?"""
~~ Michael Maciolek

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

Question:
What is Shiraz exactly? I have a bottle-what dish should I prepare?
Answer:
Shiraz is Australia's name for the Syrah grape, which originates from the Rhone River wine region in France. It is very popular because it's smooth with some black raspberry flavors and lots of spice. A Shiraz is great with any type of barbecue or grilled menu-- from hamburgers to steak, ribs, chicken, pork etc. Prices range from $8-$80+.

Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com

"It's all right, the white wine came up with the fish."
~~ Herman J. Mankiwicz (sp?) after getting sick at a formal dinner.

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

Question:
Any suggestions for a Valentine's Day sweet sparkling wine?
Answer:
Yes, I do have some suggestions for you and your fiancé as regards a sparkling wine or Champagne that's slightly sweet for Valentine's Day. Have you ever tried ASTI SPUMANTE? It's the very well known sparkling wine from Italy made from white Muscat grapes which make it slightly sweet. It's very moderately priced. My favorite brand is Martini & Rossi, which sells for about $11 on sale. Other good brands are Cinzano and Banfi. Banfi also does a very romantic red Muscat sparkling wine from Italy called BRACHETTO. May be harder to find, but it's delicious and costs about $19. Or you can get a real French Champagne, but don't buy Brut which means dry, buy those labeled "Extra Dry" which is slightly sweeter than Brut. I know it's the opposite of common sense but that is the traditional terminology. All the French Champagnes like Mumm do an Extra Dry for about $20. And in California they also do some Extra Dry style sparkling wines in about $14 price range. Spain also does Extra Dry sparkling wines in the $9 price range. So you have many choices. Enjoy your sweetie and your sweet bubbly!

Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com

"It's a naïve wine without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."
~~ James Thurber

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

Question:
Why do they tell you to let the wine "breathe"?
Answer:
All wines benefit from a little "breathing" time after they are opened for two reasons: 1. To aerate the wine to remove any cellar smells and open up the aroma; and 2. To soften the tannins in the wine and make it taste smoother. This last reason particularly applies to young red wines, which have the most tannin (astringency). But simply pulling the cork does not open enough surface area to let the wine breathe, so the best way to let a wine breathe is to pour it into a wine glass, filling the glass no more than 1/3 full. Then by swirling the wine in the glass you can aerate it completely because of the wide surface area of the wine in the glass. Many wine experts also decant their wines to aerate them-the wine is aerated as it is poured through the air into the decanter. The only wines you do not let breathe in this way, are very old reds--they are rather fragile and their first aromas are superb, but quickly fade when they are exposed to the air. By the way, the saying goes: "air is the enemy of wine when too much of it oxidizes the wine and turns it brown; air is the friend of wine when it allows the wine to breathe in your glass." In other words, you want to ventilate your wines a bit, not hyperventilate them!

Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com

"It seems that researchers at Colorado University say wine may help people lose weight. It's not the wine directly that causes the weight loss, it's all the walking around you do trying to find your car."
~~ Jay Leno

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

Question:
Does the shape of the wine glass really make a difference?
Answer:
Absolutely--the taste of the wine does change depending on the glasses you use. Professional tasters, when they are blending great French Champagnes for instance, use several different shape glasses to taste each grape variety and vineyard to decide how to blend them together. Each glass shape accentuates certain components of the aroma/taste in the same wines. This was dramatically demonstrated at a Reidel wine glass tasting. Reidel, Austrian crystal company, makes wine glasses in completely different shapes for each grape variety or type of wine--for example they make a Bordeaux/Cabernet Sauvignon glass, White Burgundy/Chardonnay glass, German/Riesling glass etc. We first tasted Riesling in the Chardonnay glass, Pinot Noir in the Cabernet glass--in other words the wines in the wrong glasses and then compared these aromas and tastes when we had them in the correct glasses, i.e. Chardonnay in the Chardonnay glass, Pinot Noir in the Pinot Noir glass etc. What a difference! The Reidel glasses for the appropriate grape made them taste and smell so much better! More intensely flavored aromas, and more complexity and depth in the taste, character and structure of the wines. We asked the Reidel glass company's owner why the shapes made such a difference and he said technically they do not know why! They just know from decades of glass making experience and experiment that these shapes work best for these grapes. I believe the reason they make a difference is the width of the mouth of each glass and the amount of air mixed with the wine as it enters your palate--but it is physics I can hardly understand--just admire!

Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com

"It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office."
~~ Shirley MacLaine

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

Question:
I am worried about sulfites in wine. Do all wines have sulfites? Will they give me a headache
Answer:
All wines contain sulfites (sulfur dioxide) as a natural by-product of fermentation, and very few contain less than the 20 parts per million of sulfites that requires a "contains sulfites" label under FDA rules for wine. Certain wine companies used to make a wine labeled "sulfite free", but quickly took them off the market because of problems with deterioration. Without a minimum amount of sulfites-usually 60 ppm total natural and added-wine will oxidize quickly and turn brown and possibly become prey to bacterial spoilage since sulfites prevent this. Even organic wines have sulfites from the fermentation even if they don't add more. I don't know of any wine that is sulfite free. The wines that have the least amount of sulfites added, however, are good, dry robust red wines because they have so much natural tannin from their black grape skins as a preservative that they don't need to add as much sulfites. Wines that have the most sulfites added are wines coolers and bulk processed light white wines. You can sometimes smell the "sulfur"--rotten egg or burnt match smell--in these types of wine from the sulfites. Too much sulfites ruins the aroma of a good or great wine, so winemakers never want to add too much. Remember, sulfites do not cause headaches-rather they restrict or constrict nasal passages, which can affect asthmatics or borderline asthmatics. Our own bodies produce sulfites every day, and many foods contain sulfites-some more than wine, such as concentrated lemon and lime juice.

Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com

"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved."
~~ Rose Kennedy on her 100th birthday

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

Question:
How much wine is wine in "moderation"?
Answer:
Our own Dept. of Agriculture promotes a diet that includes wine in moderation. They define that to mean one 4-ounce glass per day for women and up to two 4-ounce glasses per day for men. The difference in gender is actually a difference in average body size. However, they limit the total number of glasses of wine per week to about 5 for women and 7 or 8 for men. Even I don't drink wine every single day!

Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com