"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror."
~~ John Mooney

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"If you want to become a rich, pretentious snot – and who doesn't? – you should learn about wine."
~~ Dave Barry

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."
~~ Clement Freud

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
~~ Dean Martin

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"If you drink like a fish, don't drive. Swim."
~~ Joe E. Lewis

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?"
~~ Stephen Wright

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end."
~~ P.J. O'Rourke

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"If all the vine rows in Australia were laid end to end, they would reach nearly to the moon ... but how would we pick the grapes?"
~~ John Wilson

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I've taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has ever taken from me."
~~ Sir Winston Churchill

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I'm so holy that when I drink wine, it turns into water."
~~ Aga Kan III

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
~~ Tom Waits

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner

"Wine is the reason I get up every afternoon."
~~ Anonymous

Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner