"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror."
~~ John MooneyExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"If you want to become a rich, pretentious snot – and who doesn't? – you should learn about wine."
~~ Dave BarryExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."
~~ Clement FreudExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
~~ Dean MartinExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"If you drink like a fish, don't drive. Swim."
~~ Joe E. LewisExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?"
~~ Stephen WrightExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end."
~~ P.J. O'RourkeExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"If all the vine rows in Australia were laid end to end, they would reach nearly to the moon ... but how would we pick the grapes?"
~~ John WilsonExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"I've taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has ever taken from me."
~~ Sir Winston ChurchillExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"I'm so holy that when I drink wine, it turns into water."
~~ Aga Kan IIIExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
~~ Tom WaitsExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
"Wine is the reason I get up every afternoon."
~~ AnonymousExcerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner
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